Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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