Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
