fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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