You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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