I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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