Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize