Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize