I wanna bring you to show and tell
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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