i will never coherently bang her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
