you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
