Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Buhtt sex?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
