Your favorite bartender is back from prision
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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