census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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