i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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