i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
