I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
