i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
