There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
