He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
