what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
