At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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