My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
