So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
