I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
