Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
