I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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