did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
