Well apparently he's into motor boating.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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