I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
