I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm passing your future prison.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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