Where is the hickey?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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