I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so let's talk penis.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
