bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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