im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
