the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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