we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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