Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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