my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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