so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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