Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
