last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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