Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
