ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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