i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
