Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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