I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
