I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
