i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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