Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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