Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
