HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You can't special order awesome
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
