Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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