Kiss
Puke
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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