Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
