Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
