it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
