The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
