And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize