you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
