The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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