Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
