you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
