There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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