if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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