She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
