I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
