Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
