just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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