I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
