so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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