drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
