glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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