he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize