The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
