drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i barfeds in our rink
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
