just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize