In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
