An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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