I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
