Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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