Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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