Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
