why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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