Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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