I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
