Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
