look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
