Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
