I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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