I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
