WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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