i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
