You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize