The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
