i may or may not be watching the land before time
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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