You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
