She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
