I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
