didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
