dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
