she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
